The human mind is amazing. It would seem that if there is anything that you want but cannot easily have, the mind decides it will “torture” you. All I seem to fantasise about these days is food! My thoughts reflect on some of the outstanding meals I have enjoyed, either at home, with friends and/or family, or in restaurants around the world. I can almost taste and smell those wonderful, memorable gastronomic creations.
The current powers that be, assure me that my sense of taste will return. At the moment everything tastes like metallic cardboard or blotting paper. Having no saliva either or not being able to swallow, also does not help! Enough of that now.
Friends and family encouraged me to start writing this blog so that they could easily stay up to date on how things were progressing.
I personally would like to think that someone who has just started along the same difficult journey, fighting cancer, subjected to trauma or loss, will in some small way find some support and encouragement from the words that I write.
I can still today remember the feeling of absolute terror that engulfed me when I was diagnosed with a malignant tumour 24 years ago. At the same time I went through the “normal” emotions/feelings of denial, anger, fear, depression and finally acceptance. These emotions/feelings are usually experienced by all of us when faced with a traumatic event or loss. I have been very fortunate this time round. When I first was told that there was “a big problem”, all I felt was shock for a half hour or so. The shock was soon replaced by a feeling of peace and acceptance. Not having to deal with the denial, anger, fear and depression, has definitely helped me to get as far as I have along this path and stand absolutely firm in my resolve to beat this.
I cannot help but notice the way many patients drag themselves into the waiting room at the oncologist or radio-therapist, with resignation and hopelessness written all over their features. My heart goes out to those who are not coping as I understand the way they feel and unless you have personally been there, you have no understanding of how they feel. Hopefully I will be in a position to help one day.