Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The human mind is amazing. It would seem that if there is anything that you want but cannot easily have, the mind decides it will “torture” you. All I seem to fantasise about these days is food! My thoughts reflect on some of the outstanding meals I have enjoyed, either at home, with friends and/or family, or in restaurants around the world. I can almost taste and smell those wonderful, memorable gastronomic creations.
The current powers that be, assure me that my sense of taste will return. At the moment everything tastes like metallic cardboard or blotting paper. Having no saliva either or not being able to swallow, also does not help! Enough of that now.
Friends and family encouraged me to start writing this blog so that they could easily stay up to date on how things were progressing.
I personally would like to think that someone who has just started along the same difficult journey, fighting cancer, subjected to trauma or loss, will in some small way find some support and encouragement from the words that I write.
I can still today remember the feeling of absolute terror that engulfed me when I was diagnosed with a malignant tumour 24 years ago. At the same time I went through the “normal” emotions/feelings of denial, anger, fear, depression and finally acceptance. These emotions/feelings are usually experienced by all of us when faced with a traumatic event or loss. I have been very fortunate this time round. When I first was told that there was “a big problem”, all I felt was shock for a half hour or so. The shock was soon replaced by a feeling of peace and acceptance. Not having to deal with the denial, anger, fear and depression, has definitely helped me to get as far as I have along this path and stand absolutely firm in my resolve to beat this.
I cannot help but notice the way many patients drag themselves into the waiting room at the oncologist or radio-therapist, with resignation and hopelessness written all over their features. My heart goes out to those who are not coping as I understand the way they feel and unless you have personally been there, you have no understanding of how they feel. Hopefully I will be in a position to help one day.

6 comments:

  1. Hi there Grant. I waited eagerly for your update - it lets me know you are fighting hard. I am moved when you really write about how you feel - the dark and the light of it. People are healed by your abilitly to be real and uncensored in your writing. I hope you continue to "go there". Your writing reminds me of a book I read a while back by Ken Wilber called Grace and Grit - a wonderful,deep, moving, honest journey of a couple and cancer and the spirutality and healing of it all. You should read it if you have not already when you are feeling better. Maybe your blog will be the start of a book by Grant McAlpine! I hope you sleep well tonight. Love Gail

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  2. Hi Grant,
    Awesome Blog, I have read every word and now can't wait for the book. Please can I get it autographed!

    I am with you every step of the way, in my thoughts and in my heart.

    Lots of Love

    Jonathan

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  3. I am so proud of you and the way you are handling things. I know how very difficult things are sometimes. You have a profound effect on all those around you. Your strength gives me strength. I know that you will help others who have to walk this same path. I am so blessed to have you in my life. All my love always.
    Margi xxxxxxx

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  4. Dearest Grant, thank you for your courage - it is such an inspiration to us. May you continue to be blessed as you bless others along this particularly difficult journey. With our fondest love, Ian and Barbs xx

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  5. Hi there Grant

    we are following your treatment and progress closely. It sounds rough and tough. We are so impressed by your courage and perseverance. Your fortitude is an example to us all. Not long now and please God your treatment will be over. We wish you a speedy and complete recovery. Hang in there my friend. You are in our thoughts and prayers

    Lots of love

    Kenneth & Barbara

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